1. You can’t leave the house. Which gives you a chance to do all those things you forgot to do yesterday. But you CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE, so if you need milk, bread, cereal, anything, you are stuffed (I guess you should have done it yesterday).
Tip: Never tend to a vomitting child while wearing a ball gown...
2. You can’t go to the gym. So you will get fat – but it’s not your fault you can’t go to the gym, so you’re blameless (this time). You could always make up for it by cleaning windows or scrubbing floors (yeah, right!). Or maybe I could practice a few of the Darcey Bussell Pilates moves a friend told me about…
3. Your little darling can’t go to school so you don’t need to hurry them up in the morning. But arrrgh, your other child does have to go to school – so how’s that going to work? (Thank heavens for other mummies). Repeat this thought process at 3.20pm.
4. You can get all the washing done – hurrah! Now you have a pile of clean washing to put away – boo!
5. Lunch is already made. It’s sitting in a lunchbox in the fridge. But that’s all that is in the fridge (see first point).
6. You can plant out those hardened off veggies you have because it is a lovely sunny day. Which means you can get a break from CBeebies (Mr Bloom doesn’t do anything for me I’m afraid). But don’t forget your SPF cream ‘cos it’s the one day of summer we’re getting this year – ouch!!!
Mr Bloom: I don't want to cuddle up to his courgette thank you very much
7. You aren’t using your washing up bowl for washing up ever again – good. But that is only because it has had vomit in it – which you have had to clear way – BAD.
8. Your parenting duties are pretty minimal since no food or activities are required for your sick offspring. Apart from the occasional retching sound, your child will be happy to sit still; wrapped up in a quilt on the sofa (I’d be happy with that too…). However CBeebies will drive you around the bend and the parenting duties you fulfil are likely to involve bodily fluids and neurotic worrying.
9. Since the fridge is empty you can see the shelves clearly – and what you can see it that they need a clean. You don’t have anything else to do so you have to clean them. So don’t look at the oven, too late – now you’ll have to clean that too (this is getting way out of hand). There is no upside to this.
10. It’s all over in a few days. Just as you were beginning to enjoy seeing your little sausage that bit more, just as you had rearranged your schedule and re-organised your life to adapt to current limitations, it’s all change again. Suddenly you’re back on the school run, knocking up pack lunches and spending the day by yourself. And I’m still working out if that is the best or worst scenario…
And how about you? Do you enjoy the extra cuddles you get with a child off sick from school – or have you had your fill of kiddie illnesses?