Friday, 10 May 2013

The Best and Worst bits of a sickness bug!

This week my youngest had a vomiting bug, so I had plenty of time to examine the high and low lights of this common parenting experience. Turns out it's not all bad...

1. You can’t leave the house. Which gives you a chance to do all those things you forgot to do yesterday. But you CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE, so if you need milk, bread, cereal, anything, you are stuffed (I guess you should have done it yesterday).
Tip: Never tend to a vomitting child while wearing a ball gown...

2. You can’t go to the gym. So you will get fat – but it’s not your fault you can’t go to the gym, so you’re blameless (this time). You could always make up for it by cleaning windows or scrubbing floors (yeah, right!). Or maybe I could practice a few of the Darcey Bussell Pilates moves a friend told me about…

3. Your little darling can’t go to school so you don’t need to hurry them up in the morning.  But arrrgh, your other child does have to go to school – so how’s that going to work? (Thank heavens for other mummies). Repeat this thought process at 3.20pm.

4. You can get all the washing done – hurrah! Now you have a pile of clean washing to put away – boo!

5. Lunch is already made. It’s sitting in a lunchbox in the fridge. But that’s all that is in the fridge (see first point).

6. You can plant out those hardened off veggies you have because it is a lovely sunny day. Which means you can get a break from CBeebies (Mr Bloom doesn’t do anything for me I’m afraid). But don’t forget your SPF cream ‘cos it’s the one day of summer we’re getting this year – ouch!!!
Mr Bloom: I don't want to cuddle up to his courgette thank you very much

7. You aren’t using your washing up bowl for washing up ever again – good. But that is only because it has had vomit in it – which you have had to clear way – BAD.

8. Your parenting duties are pretty minimal since no food or activities are required for your sick offspring. Apart from the occasional retching sound, your child will be happy to sit still; wrapped up in a quilt on the sofa (I’d be happy with that too…). However CBeebies will drive you around the bend and the parenting duties you fulfil are likely to involve bodily fluids and neurotic worrying.

9. Since the fridge is empty you can see the shelves clearly – and what you can see it that they need a clean. You don’t have anything else to do so you have to clean them. So don’t look at the oven, too late – now you’ll have to clean that too (this is getting way out of hand). There is no upside to this.

10. It’s all over in a few days. Just as you were beginning to enjoy seeing your little sausage that bit more, just as you had rearranged your schedule and re-organised your life to adapt to current limitations, it’s all change again. Suddenly you’re back on the school run, knocking up pack lunches and spending the day by yourself. And I’m still working out if that is the best or worst scenario…

And how about you? Do you enjoy the extra cuddles you get with a child off sick from school – or have you had your fill of kiddie illnesses?


  1. This sounds pretty accurate as far as I can remember (mind you, our oldest son was married last week). However, you ended it too soon. What I remember is that right about the time the wee ones would start to feel rambunctious again, I would start retching and wanting to collapse on the couch, but everyone knows, THE MOTHER IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE ILL!

    1. Ha ha! Yes the Mother is not allowed to be ill...ever! Who can I see about that? Luckily I had a misspent youth travelling Asia on a budget so have built up a super resistance to tummy bugs. In fact I'm blushing just thinking about one incident in Calcutta...

  2. Why is it they always get ill when there is no food in the fridge and it is the one day my diary is full!?My daughter doesn't understand the whole lying on the sofa thing so not only do I get to clear up numerous bodily fluids, I also get to make stuff out of shoeboxes and play the tooth fairy game a million times! I agree with Boomeresque - just as she goes back to school, I start vomiting!

    1. It was amazingly hard work occupying my youngest when she was better but still in the 48 hour quarantine period for school. I felt very noble I might add, keeping her off to ensure the safety of others - a bit like the folks of Ely when they helped stop The Plague getting outside of London (delusions of grandeur maybe???).