Friday 15 March 2013

The school run = no fun

Recently I had begun to dread the mornings. Not because I’d rather pull the duvet back over my head and catch another 40 winks (I’m a parent, I’ve long since given that fantasy up) but because it has become an ordeal to get my youngest out of the front door within the allotted time frame.
Yipee! Another day in Paradise, minus the paradise.
 
I seemed to be caught up in a never-ending cycle of nagging and threatening, then screaming, then apologizing for screaming, then bargaining then back to screaming again. And to be honest it was exhausting. Tears were often involved. I feared fine lines could be deepening with every twitch of my furrowed brow.

To add to the overall sense of stress, my little Goody-Two-Shoes would be at the door, clutching her book bag, tears welling in her eyes, anxious not to be late for school. Meanwhile my Rebel-Without–A-Cause might well be naked save her ballet pumps, insisting her teddy needed a drink and that it couldn’t be rushed, hair unkempt, teeth unbrushed. There was definitely some negative attention going down!

The only thing that kept me sane was knowing that once the little cherubs where handed over to their teachers, I could go off to my BodyCombat classes at Castle Royle and kick some imaginary butt. And because I have to drive to get there it stopped me from just necking a G&T to cope! (Anyone remember that Harry Enfield sketch where the parents had bottles hidden in cereal packets and the suchlike? I understand it now...).

‘This can’t go on!’ I said to myself (no one else listens) and I decided it was high time I tried to outfox my clever little cub. While I was mulling my tactics over, I happened to babysit for a friend that had a copy of The Incredible Years. Despite the overly optimistic title (unless it means it is incredible that more children are not offered for adoption?) I had a little read and it helped clarify what I needed to do.

Rather than overload The Rebel, with a barrage of instructions I whittled down my demands to just two reachable targets that I hoped would address the worst areas. These goals were to be out of bed by 7.30am, and to take no longer than 10 minutes to get dressed into the school uniform (The Rebel is not a fan of the uniform as you can imagine and would rather wear her shiny leggings and denim shirt of a morning). The book also suggested that kids less than five years of age need immediate rewards, rather than delayed ones.

Rather fortunately I then happened upon a brilliant Lego Friends sticker book when I was grocery shopping – and got a nifty little digital kitchen timer too. Later I sat down with The Rebel ready to begin the negotiation process. I explained that I was not enjoying the mornings and that the situation was going to change. I used my serious face, which sadly makes me look much like my mother. I outlined the two targets and showcased the sticker book. Two targets achieved, meant two stickers in the book.

I also revealed the timer and the amazing powers of time measurement it possessed. Yes, shocking isn’t it? Time is finite and does indeed run out. Every. Single. Morning.
Behold! Dora & Boots have mastered the concept of time...
 
And good news. The new regime has worked surprisingly well, and in fact this morning we got the personal best record of dressing time down to just three minutes. I have mostly been telling the Rebel that she is a ‘super dresser’ with the sort of fixed smile I see on the faces of the mentally ill. But I must also pat myself on the back for using the ten minute counter to demonstrate the ‘number bonds' of ten, just a little maths revision I like to throw in there. Hey, I’m on fire!

We have also built on our original targets and added a third requirement of being back downstairs by 8.30am. Third target reached? You guessed it – a third sticker in that book.

It’s not much I know, and to non-parents this sort of trivial detail must seem utter madness. But it has greatly improved my mornings and those of Goody-Two-Shoes too. And hopefully The Rebel will grow up to understand how to meet a deadline and plan ahead, surely valuable life skills? If nothing else, she should be a whiz at adding up to ten…
Have you got any tips on how to trick, I mean guide, a child into changing their behaviour? Let me know in the comment box below. I'm always open to new ideas as I fear I may meet more challenges further down the road...

24 comments:

  1. Great piece - and so true! Thanks for sharing; recognise myself (and my girls) in your story. Looking forward to reading more...

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    1. Thank you! The good (?) thing about kids is they always have more challenges for you to face (and then write about!!).

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  2. Great blog Vanessa. I'm afraid I have no tips to offer. I have four kids and they can best be described as Roger Hargreaves' characters: Mr Laid Back, Little Miss Dominatrix, Mr Angry and Mr Mischief...I have tried all techniques (and sticker books) known to man and woman. The children have always managed to find loopholes, negotiate periods of consultation and distract from the task at hand with even more devious delaying tactics. My only piece of advice would be to try to stay one step ahead at all times (whatever that may be); try to second guess their next move.......However, more useful for me might be tips to change your husband's behaviour. Let me know if you can help me with that one ;-)

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    1. I might have to share Husband-wrangling tips on a secret blog though - as mine reads this (mustn't let him know he is being trained...). I look forward to your updates in the Mr Men/Little Miss Series...

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  3. I am going to keep this post in mind for when my daughter is older! I love the idea of sticker rewards and I definitely want to try that in the future...maybe start with potty training. So glad the new routine is working out for you.

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    1. If it hadn't of worked I might be in a straightjacket by now!!! My first daughter potty trained without a single problem, but number 2 developed a phobia thanks to untimely chickenpox. That was an ordeal!!!

      Thanks for reading!

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  4. I don't have kids, but the same type of thing works when teaching as well :)Less really is more.

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  5. I was once a first grade teacher. Any time you can make school engaging and run is hugh win for both the student and the teacher. Stickers were always a great way to motivate kids . I did love this post on so many levels. :-)

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    1. Thank you! What did the world do before stickers????

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    2. Susan, do you blog? I'd love to read your stuff too.

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  6. Great post, I laughed out loud and it made me remember my morning chaos when my children were younger. Now I have teenager chaos which generally involves yelling at people to get out of the shower or yelling at them to get dressed or yelling at them to eat...lots of yelling. I'm getting a timer.

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    1. It has become a bit of a power trip that timer. I wonder if I can use it in other parts of my life - maybe in a shop, on a call to a utility company, when I ask hubbie to fix a squeaky door...endless opportunities...

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  7. It's fascinating how different our children can be. I swear if I had not seen each of my sons pulled out of my body, I would swear they weren't brothers. Interestingly, it was the older one who was impossible in the morning while his younger brother would leave his backpack packed for the next morning outside his bedroom door (with absolutely no direction from me) and started leaving himself notes as soon as he could spell phonetically. Also, his first question every morning would be, "What's for dinner?"
    P.S.: Unfortunately, I think I might be more like my older son. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My older son is now 29, holds down a responsible job, is never late for work and found a woman to marry ;-)

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    1. One look at the bedroom floors in this house and I can tell you I am like my younger!!!

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  8. I need all of the tips that I can get. My little one is only 19 months and definitely pushing limits. So far, I think I've got the upper hand (by a thread) but I'm gonna need some new tricks when he's full on talking and can do things on his own. Oh the life of a parent... :)

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    1. Walking, talking - it's like they will eventually equip themselves with every skill they can to combat you!!!!

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  9. Our morning are rushed but tend to go smoothly. It's after school when I'm ready to tear my hair out.

    Stickers and sticker books are amazing! My daughter used to hate tidying up her toys afterwards, but now that she get stickers for doing chores she no longer gives me a hard time. :)

    -Cole
    youngmommymemoirs.blogspot.ca

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    1. At school they use handstamps too - the kiddies are obsessed by them!!

      Thanks for stopping by Cole, will get over to you too.

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  10. It is funny to read this and imagine how opposite of your story my childhood was and the struggle I put my mom through. When I was younger I loved going to school--up until 11th grade that is. Then it all changed and I began refusing to go. My poor mother tried everything but eventually she would just leave me in bed and remind me how many more days I could miss before I wasn't allowed to graduate. I made it through but for her sake I wish it would have been simpler to convince me with a sticker book. I'm not saying your idea is simple and easy, by the way. In fact I think that is a brilliant way to get a handle of the situation and will keep the suggestion in mind if I ever run across that problem. It's just cute how readily small children attach to ideas like sticker books to keep their behavior in check and how much of a struggle it becomes when they grow out of these things. You seem to have the right mindset to deal with these things as they evolve however.

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    1. The comment below was meant as a reply to your kind words by the way!!!

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  11. Thank you! There are days when I feel being a parent is the ultimate test, but then it also has the ultimate prize...

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  12. I love this idea. I might use it with my granddaughter, who is similarly independent. The one trick I offer is a one-time-use only, told to me by a child psychiatrist. I used it to get my 7-year-old son to pick up the wet towels from the bathroom floor after a bath. Lay out 10 pennies in a place where the child can see them. Tell them that you are no longer going to nag them about the behavior you want changed. But, each time they do it, you will take away one penny. At the end of the month, they can have all the pennies that are left. Most children lose two pennies, as did my son. He never left the towels on the floor again.

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    1. Thank you for that tip. It's great to have alternatives to nagging - not only is nagging ineffective I think it's a horrible trait for kids to pick up from you. It's all about finding a reward that appeals to them (because in reality there is no actual reward from picking up wet towels!!).

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